


You're All Nuts, But I'm the Worse

by Batwynn



Category: Frostiron - Fandom, Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Dubious Morality, Humor, Jesus likeness, M/M, Smut, The Rapture, Tony's morals, and tony doesn't give a fuck anymore, bruce is a downer, clint is a butt, loki sympathisers, stripper cake, tortilla
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-19
Updated: 2014-03-19
Packaged: 2018-01-16 08:06:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1338166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Batwynn/pseuds/Batwynn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony Stark discovers the world of Loki's fan girls with their sudden visions of the god, and starts to doubt humanity.<br/>He then discovers he's having his own 'visions' of Loki, and really can't bring himself to accept that they're real.</p><p>At least, not until Loki starts touching him. </p><p>So when is the other shoe going to drop, again?</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're All Nuts, But I'm the Worse

**Author's Note:**

> This is not a hate-rage thing against anyone. Just saying. :)

  
  
  
  
He was never supposed to matter to him, but now all he could think was how much he _did_ matter. It wasn't like this in the beginning, back when their smiles were fake and their badly-masked threats were real. Things could change, right? The smiles could be real, and threats faked. It probably was impossible, with their personalities and everything that they had gone through. Yet, he simply could not stop thinking about him. It was driving him _insane_ .   
  
_______•_______•_______•_______   
  
  
No one could ever look at that man and think of him as an angel. It was just not a word used to describe the bastard. So after the battle of New York, when the fan girls started popping up, Stark seriously began to wonder about the human race.   
  
It wasn't something he paid attention to at first. Between battles with funding, architects, SHIELD, and Pepper, he didn't have the time to look. He didn't care, and none of the Avenger's paid much attention to that sort of thing. So that one morning he found himself in front of a tv for the first time in forever, and the last thing he expected to hear was,   
  
"Loki is an angel."   
  
The Costa-Rican coffee he had thoroughly been enjoying, traveled out his nose in a far less pleasant experience.   
  
"W-what? What the _fuck_ ?!" He sputtered angrily at the tv. As if they heard him, the newscaster asked something similar, if not more polite.   
  
  
"Loki was confused," the woman continued, looking up at the sky with wide, sparkling eyes, "he is simply an angel, who lost his way."   
  
Tony put his mug down, for fear of dumping its still-hot contents into his lap. He was not hearing this. Nope.   
  
"He caused countless deaths, attacked several government funded programs, and personally lead an assault against the city of New York," the newscaster kindly reminded everyone. Tony suddenly liked the man.   
  
  
"He was confused! He landed here from the sky, and thought he had fallen into hell," the woman squealed at the camera, "can you even imagine the feeling!? How can you say you would do anything different!?"   
  
Huh. That was actually a half way decent point, minus the angel and hell business. Thor had said something about his brooding-brother-bear being lost in the mad darkness of space for a while. Everyone had seen the movie. Space, flashy lights, time loops. Anyone would lose their mind after all that shit. Maybe not lose their minds and attack an entire world out of some sort of petty revenge fit, but then again, there were no men like Loki.   
  
_____•_____•______•______•____   
  
As soon as his attention had been drawn to it, Tony started seeing them everywhere. There wasn't any official term for them yet, unless you counted 'bat-shit-insane'. Apparently that just pissed them off, so they mostly settled with 'Loki Sympathizers'.   
  
Calling him an angel seemed to be the least insane thing they had come up with. Elaborate stories popped up everywhere of people claiming to be related to him, and therefor a god. Others said they had his unborn child within them, and therefor deserved... something. They all wanted something, and they all wanted it in the name of Loki.   
  
"It's an illness," he finally muttered at Bruce one day, ignoring the loud guffaw from the couch. Clint never could stay out of a conversation, if said conversation was held anywhere within fifty feet of him.   
  
"It's not an _illness_ , stop it. They're just handling the stress of the attack in the only way they know how," Bruce replied calmly, not even bothering to look up from his notes. "People have been romanticizing traumatic situations since the dawn of time."   
  
"There's _nothing_ romanic about Loki's face being discovered on a tortilla in Mexico. I think they're getting confused."   
  
"That was a hoax, and those happen just as often. Seriously, Tony," Bruce paused and looked up at him at last, "you're acting like this is all new. Where have you been for the last thousand years?"   
  
"Apparently not knocked up with an alien-angel's baby. Aka, _sane_ ."   
  
Clint called out from the couch, "that's up for debate, old man!"   
  
"Sure, just bring your face over here so it can have a debate with my fist." Tony grinned at him lazily and laughed as the archer flipped him off.   
  
Bruce shuffled his papers and gave the two of them the 'I'm the only adult in the room' look.   
  
"It will wear off soon enough. Once people get over the shock, they'll realize that the dead are still dead and no amount of Jesus-like Loki appearances are going to bring them back."   
  
That thoroughly dampened the mood and Tony spent the rest of his day avoiding any form of social media. The dead were still dead, after all.   
  
___•____•_____•________•___•____   
  
  
The first time he saw him, he screamed 'SWAMP GAS!' and threw his plate at the assumed-to-be hologram. The vision vanished as soon as the plate neared its destination, and Tony laughed at a well played joke. He then went and put dead bugs in Clint's shampoo as revenge.   
  
The second time, he was considerably less amused and also less mobil. He had been fast asleep when he abruptly woke up, sensing someone's presence in his room.   
  
" _Christ_ !" He shouted, twisting out of his bed and quickly introducing his face to the floor.   
  
"Not quite," the voice drawled from above him. "Although I hear we have a few things in common, he and I."   
  
Tony scrambled to get to his feet and blinked. Once, Loki was standing there in his bedroom, twice... Loki was gone.   
  
"Oh, _for the lack of a better word_ , my god."   
  
  
For the entirety of the next morning, he was jumpy. Every corner held the possibility of another Loki hallucination. Every window held a reflection of the god's laughing face. Either Tony was loosing his mind, or the infection had spread to the tower at last.   
  
"None of us are safe," he groaned into the counter top, hiding his puffed up nose as the others walked in. "We are all doomed to start seeing Loki. It is time, the rapture has come."   
  
"I'm pretty sure I should feel insulted by that," Steve muttered, opening the fridge and pulling out a yogurt cup, "but since I have no idea what's going on, I have decided not to."   
  
"I've been infected by Loki's Angels."   
  
"Can you please _never_ say that again," Clint whined.   
  
"Loki's angels, Loki's angels, Loki's—" a fork bounced off his head, making him see stars. He couldn't decide if that was better for his head ache, or worse.   
  
"Sleep with one eye open," he warned, lifting his head up enough to give the archer a deadly glare.   
  
"Don't I always?"   
  
"I hate you."   
  
"What happened to your nose, anyway?"   
  
"...I _hate_ you."   
  
"Tony," Bruce joined in, his voice filled with concern, "what happened to your nose?"   
  
"I told you," he snapped, standing up and abandoning ship. "I got infected."   
  
___•_____•____•______•____•____   
  
He didn't know what made him look, other than the fact that he now felt like he was one of them and it was high time to make use of is honorary membership. So, begrudgingly, Tony finally made his way back to the media.   
  
It had not, against all of Bruce's predictions, died out. Loki's Angels were a global phenomenon now, their numbers ranking in the millions.   
  
More and more reports of sightings, voices, messages, babies, and even a second coming came pouring in. Apparently Banksy had done a new art that involved Loki, an American flag and what Tony thought might be donkey. One man claimed that his Siamese twin, that he had already been separated from, was Loki. There was even a badly photoshop picture of him and the god smiling. Why someone had even _tried_ to make Loki's scowl into a smile was beyond him. The result was a nice creepy grimace instead. Tony made it the background on his phone.   
  
What irked him the most, out of all the piles of bullshit, was the fact that people had really forgotten what happened. Not a word about the attack, the damage to the city, or the death toll that was stuck in the back of Tony's mind every time he read more soppy stories about Loki. All of them had stopped making excuses for the god's attack months ago, and had moved on to tattooing Loki on their asses.   
  
No, maybe the scariest thing was the cult someone had formed up in Norway. Tony was pretty sure there was going to be some Kool-Aid drinking anytime now.   
  
So what made Tony so special? Special enough to be graced with his own personal set of hallucinations. Was he touched by god? Touched in the head? Probably the latter, unfortunately. The more he read, the more some of the things started making sense to him. Thor had tried his best to explain, from his point of view, why Loki did what he did. Now that he had a few million other perspectives to look at, Tony was starting to _almost_ move on. Maybe not forgive, but moving on was a step forward, right?

 

He seriously needed to talk to Bruce about his sanity and lack thereof.

 

Then, Loki showed up for the third time.  
  
"Did your face really appear on a tortilla, or was that someone else's work," Tony asked right away, leaning back in his chair to look the god over. "You see, I just don't know you _well_ enough to know how low you will go to get your kicks."   
  
"Did it amuse you?" Loki asked in response, leaning against the workbench and crossing his arms.   
  
"Was it supposed to?"   
  
"Perhaps."   
  
Tony stuck the end of his cursor in his mouth and began to chew while his brain kicked into gear. Loki pulling bad jokes on mortals, not too surprising. Loki pulling jokes just to appeal to Tony's sense of humor, a little more surprising.   
  
"Wait a minute," he breathed, sitting up straight, " _all_ of this was to get my attention?!"   
  
Loki let out a bark of laugher and leaned his head back, shaking it in exasperation. "You really do think so highly of yourself." Loki looked back at him, his eyes twinkling with amusement.   
  
"But yes," he admitted, "certain things were designed to catch your eye."   
  
"And why, pray tell, is that?"   
  
"Because I wanted you to look my way."   
  
Tony studied him for a long moment, waiting for the punchline. Or maybe the peanut can full of snakes. A stripper cake? The other shoe to drop? Something?   
  
"Wha...?"   
  
"What I find _most_ fascinating right now," Loki purred, leaning closer, "is that you are not even questioning how I am here. Simply, why."   
  
"'Why' is sort of the more important one right now. I'm still debating whether or not you're actually here or a hallucination."   
  
"Do you often fantasize about me?" Loki joked with an impressive grin.   
  
"I'm not going to dignify that with an answer—What are you doing?"   
  
Loki was smiling more gently now and continued to run his fingers down Tony's cheek slowly. It certainly felt real enough, which meant the 'how 'part of the questioning should probably start soon. Only, it was a little distracting to be petted by a guy who had, apparently, been trying to get your attention for the past two months.   
  
"I am not in your head, Stark."   
  
Tony swallowed back the, 'yeah, you kinda are now', and settled with a weak nod. Somehow, the Loki's Angel insanity plea was sounding a little more appealing. This was, after all, the same god who threw him out a window. The performance issue joke was bad, but a smack would have sufficed.   
  
"Uuuh. I'm gonna ask you 'why' one more time and then call Bruce so you can touch him to prove that you're real."   
  
Loki hissed between his teeth and snatched his hand back, giving Tony a nasty look. "I do not need to prove myself to you, nor him." His lower lip jutted out a little and he added, " _especially_ not to him."   
  
Tony found himself leaning forward, looking for that caressing touch. He grumbled, for about a second, at his lack of shame and self preservation and kept on leaning. "This whole damn thing was proving something to me, why stop now?"   
  
Loki's eyes widened a fraction of an inch as Tony stood from his chair to move closer. The tables had turned now, and Tony was getting all the attention.   
  
"Loki... _Why_ ?"   
  
"Why what?" The god whispered, his eyes focusing on Tony's lips as he moved closer.   
  
"Just say it..." He muttered in response, already feeling Loki's breath against his lips. "Why did you want my attention?"   
  
Loki's eyes flicked up to meet his and he got his answer without ever needing words.   
  
" _Goddammit_ ..." Tony groaned and kissed Loki.   
  
____•___•_____•______•____•____   
  
_So this is what going crazy feels like?_  
  
Tony hummed, feeling a little irritated at the thought, and continued to trace a finger down Loki's back. It was bare, and still glistening with sweat from their previous activities. He was about to talk, about maybe how they had been meeting up for a month in secret, or how their kisses had started to feel different, or about how fucking dangerous this thing was, or maybe what the hell _was_ this thing, when Loki did something with his mouth.   
  
" _Ohholyfuck_ !" He cried out, trying and failing to not thrust his cock right down the god's throat. The sex had been holy, but Loki's mouth was pure sin.   
  
"Oh shit, d-don't stop that. Whatever that is... Don't... Stop!"   
  
Loki purred around his full mouth and dug the tip of his tongue a little deeper against the vein. Tony squirmed as if trying to get away, but he really had no other place he'd rather be. When Loki started to take him all the way into his throat, Tony hissed and lost all control of his hips.   
  
Luckily, Loki seemed to like that. His thrusting into the god's throat earned him some impressive groans and Tony caught sight of Loki's own cock twitching eagerly each time. He wasn't even sure how he managed to process it, never mind managing to actually move Loki's hips to straddle his head. But he did, and as distracting as Loki's tongue was, he managed to find a few sweet spots with his own tongue.   
  
" _Oh_ ..!" Loki gasped, pulling back his head to pant softy. His breath brushed against the head of Tony's cock, and god-dammit that alone could be enough to make him cum.   
  
"You like this?" He asked, not teasing but actually curious.   
  
"Y-yes..." Loki answered before his mouth was back around him again. Tony nearly choked, between the moan and Loki's gentile thrust into his mouth.   
  
Talk about sensory overload. Tony knew he wasn't going to last much longer if they kept this up, and that sort of depressed him. But, all good things must come to an end, and it was an amazing ending.   
  
Loki mewled and came quite a lot for someone who had just thoroughly fucked Tony only a half hour before. Tony swallowed past his slightly sore throat and thrust up a few more times. After coming down from his own experience, Loki decided it was time to suck. Not just suck, but twist his mouth around Tony's cock like he was wringing it out to dry.   
  
Tony came so hard, he got lost in the mad darkness of space for a while. He idly wondered if he was going to be the next villain before his mind stumbled back to him and reminded him that he had been there, done that.   
  
"Holy-fucking -face-on-a-tortilla..."   
  
"You are never going to stop reminding me of that, will you?"   
  
"No, probably not," Tony admitted, pulling Loki up to snuggle again. He wasn't going to think about anything, just enjoy it. Because, why the hell not?   
  
"I can honestly say I've never done _that_ before," he admitted a moment later.   
  
Loki tilted his head to the side and trailed a finger up along his stomach lazily. "You have never lain with another man before?"   
  
Tony snorted. "Oh no, I've done _that_ . I meant the whole 69 thing. That was new."   
  
"I do not see the relevance of that number," Loki muttered, his fingers now tracing around the arch reactor.   
  
Tony should have been tense, he really should have. But either the thorough fucking, or the being sucked dry thing had left him feeling lethargic and oddly comfortable. He really couldn't bring himself to panic about the reactor, or the fact that he had just slept with a wanted criminal for... What was it? The 50th time? Or maybe even the fact that he wanted to do it again and again and again.   
  
_Shit._  
  
"The number's irrelevant," he said, coming back to the subject, "it's just the name for what we did. Our bodies fit like the numbers fit together. It's really kind of an immature name. There's probably something more sexy or exotic for it in the Karma Sutra."   
  
Loki huffed with laughter and rested his head on Tony's chest. He would be stupid to admit that his heart beat rose a little at this. Not in fear, but something else. It was really kind of an intimate gesture, and not one he had seen in a very long time.   
  
His arm tightened slightly around the god's body and leant down to place a gentle kiss on the top of Loki's head. "We're insane, you do know that, don't you?"   
  
Loki hummed in agreement and nuzzled his face into his chest. "I have come to that conclusion as well, but I decided not to question it further."   
  
"Of course not, because this is fun and normal and _no one_ will object or try to kill either of us."   
  
"Precisely, now shut up and let me sleep."   
  
"I love you too, you bastard."   
  
But he did shut up, and he found himself dozing off to the sounds of Loki's breathing.   
  
This was insane, but god damn... insanity felt _good_.

 


End file.
